Kardashian Sheets

June 19, 2015

Product descriptions of sheets are getting more outrageous. As I surf Amazon, Overstock, etc., I am astounded by overreaching and repetitive descriptions. Here is a tiny sampling from today:

“Italian Collection sheets”
"Egyptian cotton sheets from Giza"
"Ultimate Hotel Sheets"
“100% luxury sheets”
“Honeymoon Sheet Sets”
“Utopia Bedding Fitted Sheet”
“Supreme Sateen Collection”
“Classic Sateen Dobby Sheet”
“1000 thread count microfiber type”
“Luxury Micro Fiber Yarns 1500 collection”

It seems all that matters is to get the shopper’s attention. It’s the Kardashianism of bed sheets.

Outrageous titles grab our attention but are they truthful? Does a fluffy product description mean anything? No: big bogus claims degrade the evaluation system. No one trusts threadcount claims any longer. The lack of precision and technical awareness is a disservice to time-starved and confused shoppers.

Part of the problem is the explosion of options. My latest visit to Amazon showed a total of 14,298,678 available sheet sets. There were 995,497 options just for 400 thread count alone! Almost one million 400 threadcount sheets? How could any one stand out?

JCPenney recently republished its mail-order catalogs. Their latest issue has 42 different kinds of solid-color sheets! JCPenney doesn’t want to fall behind Walmart, BBBY, Kohl's, Pottery Barn, who offer an extraordinarily extraneous selection of sheets.

My grandmother once gave me the best advice in the world: don't look after the pretty girls. Look after their substance. Don’t get fooled by the fluff but marry a girl who tells you the truth -- everything else flows from there. She’d have me canter quicker than a Kenyan to keep clear of the Kardashians. She knew that, after the initial excitement wore off, I’d experience a lifetime of unhappiness. It’s the same when looking for sheets: big, fat and fancy descriptions just don’t work over the long haul. To find happiness that endures, the only thing that matters is quality that is truthfully described.